Viagra: It's Not Just for Old Guys Anymore | Mary Beth Bonacci | IgnatiusInsight.com
Viagra: It's Not Just for Old Guys Anymore | Mary Beth Bonacci | IgnatiusInsight.com
http://www.ignatiusinsight.com/features2007/mbbonacci_viagra_may07.asp
Why the epidemic of sexual dysfunction? Because we've lost the sense of sexual meaning.
I am constantly amazed at the types of products I see
advertised on TV.
When I was a kid, we never would have dreamed that we'd see
ads for prescription medications. Who'd have wanted to? The drugs just
weren't that interesting. ("Antibiotics. They'll make your bacterial
infection go away in no time.") We did, however, see lots of commercials for
cigarettes. (Does anybody else remember "You've come a long way, baby"?)
Gosh, how television has changed.
Advertising cigarettes on TV has been banned since 1970.
(When, for the record, I was still a very young child.) Apparently the "powers
that were" decided that smoking wasn't an activity they wanted to be promoting
through the public airways. Which is fine with me.
But what has taken its place? Well, in the past few years,
it's been drug advertisements. Specifically, we've seen a plethora of ads for
Viagra, Enzite and other "male enhancement" products. (And yes, that's about
as specific as I'm going to get.)
What's wrong with this picture?
First of all, smoking is apparently bad for our collective
health. But we as a culture seem to believe unfettered sexual activity is
just good clean fun. ("Cialis. Will you be ready?") I would think the
carnage left in the wake of the post-sexual revolution would have disabused us
of that notion.
And, speaking of the carnage of the post-sexual revolution,
who'd have thought 30 years ago that we would all need so much pharmacological
help in the bedroom?
Seriously. When these ads first came out, we all though
they were targeting older Baby Boomer men who were just getting on in years and
thus needed a little help, well, "getting it on." Of course, most of the ads
featured handsome men with graying temples strolling the beach with
well-preserved middle-aged women.
But apparently it's not just the old guys any more.
From everything I am reading and hearing, it seems we have
an epidemic of partial and total impotence among men of all ages, as well as a
corresponding "epidemic" of decreased sexual enjoyment among women.
Nothing is "dirty" any more. Porn shops, once found only in
seedy neighborhoods, have been repackaged as "adult gift shops" and franchised
into the suburbs. Provocative magazine covers, once hidden underneath drug
store counters, are now proudly displayed at grocery store check stands.
But there remains one dirty little secret in our society.
People may be having a lot more sex (or at least trying to). But they're
enjoying it a lot less. And nobody wants to admit it.
What's the matter here?
I've known for years that studies on sexual satisfaction
consistently reveal the same results. The most sexually satisfied people in
America--the ones who apparently have the best and most frequent sex--are
highly religious married people who saved sex for marriage. I've always seen
those studies as evidence
that sex is best when it's done God's way. He intended it
to speak a language--the language of self-donating love. And so it only
stands to reason that it would be the most pleasurable when it takes place in
that context.
There is an element of tremendous vulnerability in sexual
expression. The heart is saying "I give myself to you forever." Bonding
hormones like oxytocin are flooding the brain, working to create a strong
emotional attachment between these two people. In the context of a loving
marriage, these partners know that
bonding is taking place, and they are fully consenting and
yielding to it. There is a real security and freedom in knowing that this
person is planning to stick around--forever.
But sexual activity between the "uncommitted" is different.
That bonding element is unwelcome. It has to be resisted. There is no freedom
to yield oneself, no security, no assurance that this person will be around
next year or next month or even tomorrow.
Apparently, that makes it more difficult to enjoy sexual
activity.
This phenomenon, unfortunately, is not
relationship-specific. It's not that a woman can have less-than-enjoyable sex
throughout her dating years, and then transition easily into a happy,
fulfilling marital sex life. Or that a man's promiscuity-induced performance
issues will suddenly be cured by the love of the right woman. There is a
reason that those most sexually satisfied Americans had saved sex for marriage.
Sexual habits form easily. And sexual dysfunction brought on by premarital
promiscuity will almost certainly follow young men and women into their
marriages.
Americans don't seem to get this. We keep developing new
drugs, new supplements. We churn out books and magazine articles aimed at
"spicing up your sex life." We open more suburban porn stores. Everyone is
trying to bring the pleasure back to sexual activity.
I don't see how any of it is going to help. The only way
we're going to recover sexual pleasure is to recover sexual meaning. They're
tied together. The real pleasure comes when we respect the language of sex,
when we speak it honestly, in the context in which it belongs.
In other words, the sickness isn't in our nerve endings.
It's in our souls.
• This article originally appeared on RealLove.net
on February 8, 2007.
Related IgnatiusInsight.com Articles:
• Teens, Sex, and Real Love | Interview with Mary Beth Bonacci
• Practicing Chastity in an Unchaste Age | Bishop Joseph F. Martino
• Marriage and the Family in Casti Connubii and Humanae Vitae | Reverend Michael Hull, S.T.D.
• The Truth About Conscience | John F. Kippley
Other IgnatiusInsight.com Articles by Mary Beth Bonacci:
• Rich Bad, Poor Good? Is Wealth Good For Our Spiritual Health?
• Lust in the Workplace: It's Not Always About You Know What
• The Love Behind the Rules
• The Horrible "H"
Word
• Teens, Sex, and
Real Love | Interview with Mary Beth Bonacci
• There's More to Prayer
Than "Saying Our Prayers"
• Was Pope John
Paul II Anti-Woman?
• JPII, Why Did We
Love You?
• A Hero Goes
to His Reward
• Some Atrocities
are Worse than Others
• Parents
Love the Chastity Girl
• The Attack
on Abstinence
Mary Beth Bonacciis internationally known for her talks
and writings about love, chastity, and sexuality. Since 1986 she has spoken
to tens of thousands of young people, including 75,000 people in 1993 at
World Youth Day in Denver, Colorado. She appears frequently on radio and
television programs, including several appearances on MTV.
Mary Beth has written two books, We're
on a Mission from God and Real
Love, and also writes a regular, syndicated column for various publications.
She has developed numerous videos, including her brand-newest video series,
also entitled Real Love. Her video Sex
and Love: What's a Teenager to Do? was awarded the 1996 Crown Award
for Best Youth Curriculum.
Mary Beth holds a bachelor's degree in Organizational Communication from
the University of San Francisco, and a master's degree in Theology of Marriage
and Family from the John Paul II Institute at Lateran University. She was
also awarded an honorary doctorate in Communications from the Franciscan
University of Steubenville, and is listed in Outstanding Young Women
of America for 1997. Her apostolate, Real
Love Incorporated is dedicated to presenting the truth about the Church's
teaching about sexuality, chastity, and marriage.
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